deep-frying

Deep-frying is just about the easiest cooking technique in the whole world -- as you can tell if you examine street stalls just about anywhere in the whole world.

You take a vessel large enough to hold a lot of fat (usually oil) and stable enough so you have no fear of tipping it over.

You heat your fat up to 500°, using either a thermometer or a less high-tech method like dropping a cube of bread into the hot fat to see how long it takes to brown (approximately one second).

Gingerly slide the food into the hot fat. A tongs and a slotted spoon are the best instruments for getting stuff into the fat. Be careful. Be careful! The fat is hot. Generations of Midwestern housewives have scars on their forearms from dropping stuff into hot fat with nonchalance.

When the stuff is browned on the down-side, flip it over (again with a tongs and a slotted spoon) and brown it on the other side.

Wait till what you're cooking is nice and brown and crispy (a larger number of seconds).

Fish it out, drain it momentarily on paper towels or old newspapers (newsprint is sterile), blow on it to cool it off, and pop it into your mouth. Or hand it to your loved ones to blow on and pop into their mouths.

Everybody should deep-fry something once a year. Choose a day, choose a dish (mine is raised doughnuts), and let loose. The next day you can go back to your brown rice and steamed vegetables. Meanwhile ...